


The Tenth Time

by kuriadalmatia



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-13
Updated: 2011-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:50:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuriadalmatia/pseuds/kuriadalmatia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theoretically, sex with Aaron Hotchner is supposed to be spectacular, amazing, mind-blowing, the best ever, and something right out of erotica. Not something that inspires the description of "mechanical" and "methodical" and the dreaded "meh." Spencer decides to change all that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tenth Time

**Author's Note:**

> COMMENTS: Unbetaed. There’s this myth about sex, especially between those “meant to be”, that it’s perfect and it’s wonderful every single time. It usually isn’t.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: The Mark Gordon Company, ABC Studios and CBS Paramount Network Television own Criminal Minds. Salut! I just took them out to play and I promise put them back when I'm done. I'm not making any profit just trying to get these images out of my head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s this myth about sex, especially between those “meant to be”, that it’s perfect and it’s wonderful every single time. It usually isn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for "The Great Alphabet Meme 2: U is for Underneath" prompt by Anonymous

///***///

The sex is…well…okay. Which is really disappointing when Spencer dares to think about it, because theoretically sex with Aaron Hotchner is supposed to be spectacular, amazing, mind-blowing, the best ever, and something right out of erotica.

Not something that inspires the description of “mechanical” and “methodical” and the dreaded “meh.”

It’s like waiting all year for a chemistry set for his birthday—the one that he’s asked for and cut out ads for and even put the mail-order form on his father’s desk—and instead receiving model kit for a 18th century sailing ship. It’s a nice gift. It’s an okay gift. But it wasn’t what Spencer wanted and something seriously considered exchanging for something better.

Spencer knows it’s bad when he’s considering “trading up” and honestly, he’s not the type to give up after a few less-than-stellar rounds. But in the nine times they’ve had sex, it’s still bad. Granted, they’ve kept to the “simple” stuff—kissing, handjobs, blowjobs, frottage, and the barest of fingering—yet Spencer knows that if they graduate to actual intercourse, it’s going to be just as bad if not even worse.

All this work. All this effort to get through the fortress of Hotch to get to Aaron so that he can act upon the feelings he know they both have for each other.

His reward?

Spencer has masturbation sessions better than any sex he’s had with Aaron.

And what a pathetic thought _that_ is.

Tonight.

Well.

He has a feeling tonight is going to be just like the other times. Which doesn’t quite make sense, if Spencer is honest with himself. Sure, there’s a learning curve and everything—Spencer is Aaron’s first male lover—but the thing about sex between two men that it's supposed to be a hell of a lot easier than sex between a man and a woman.

There is certainly a lot less guesswork involved.

So this time, Spencer sits in bed and watches as Aaron exits the master bath, fresh from his shower. The bathing-before-sex is something Spencer suggested. After all, when they graduated from kissing to “hands below the waist”, they had just come off a thirty-four hour child abduction case in which neither had a chance to much more than a quick wipe down with a paper towel in the men’s room.

They stank, and it wasn’t in the appealingly sexy kind of way either. It was the stench of stale sweat mixed with coffee, grease, and fried onions.

And that’s when it hits Spencer on what could be one of their problems: by washing off, they’ve basically eliminated scent from the equation.

The second part kicks in as Aaron walks to the side of the bed and slides underneath the covers. Quickly, Spencer compares all their encounters and, except for the first two times, they’ve gotten each other off and promptly went to sleep. They were tired—their jobs were mentally and physically demanding so it was only natural to want to go to bed after achieving an orgasm—so Spencer initially thought nothing of it.

Yet now, Spencer realizes that what they are doing probably falls into the same category of what Aaron was used to while he was married.

Married.

Alpha male.

And when Spencer and Aaron finally get together, Aaron takes the lead because that was what he is supposed to do as an Alpha male. Spencer yields because it is such a natural thing to do.

Spencer wants to slap himself upside the head because for all his touted genius, he knows he’s being downright stupid about this whole thing with Aaron.

Aaron, frankly, doesn’t know any better. He does what he thinks is right. He kisses and caresses and nibbles in safe, known locations. Things that have worked before. Things that he knows. And it’s safe and it’s polite and it’s not aggressive because aggressiveness can be misconstrued for a whole lot of things because of what they do for a living. Spencer’s efforts in making sure that he doesn’t spook Aaron contribute to the whole “bad sex” problem. And Aaron, being Aaron, isn’t about to say how crappy the sex is because crappy sex is better than no sex and Spencer’s hand is probably a nice change of pace from his own.

So as Aaron settles down and rolls to his side facing Spencer, Spencer peers down and can’t help the predatory smile across his face.

Aaron frowns a little, confused.

That’s when Spencer pounces.

The tenth time? The tenth time is going to be good. Maybe not spectacular. Maybe not mind-blowing, but it’s going to be good.

///***///


	2. No Longer Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this new relationship he has with Spencer, Aaron can usually predict what’s going to happen next. He likes that aspect, honestly. It gives him a sense of security. But the smile is a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for "The Great Alphabet Meme 2: N is for New" prompt by daylyn.

///***///

It’s the smile that throws Aaron off. A little smug. A little devious. In this new relationship he has with Spencer, he can usually predict what’s going to happen next. He likes that aspect, honestly. It gives him a sense of security. But the smile is a change. He’s not sure if he’s comfortable with that.

Aaron runs through what they’ve done since they’ve gotten to the apartment for the evening.

Checked all the rooms and the windows. (It’s refreshing to have someone who understands that habit without question.)

Reset the alarm.

Briefcase and messenger bag by the desk.

Keys in the bowl on his desk.

Weapons in the gun safe.

Go bags in the master bedroom.

Spencer in the shower while Aaron checks his personal email, strips down to his tee and boxers, hangs up his suit, and puts his socks in the hamper.

Aaron in shower while Spencer checks his personal email and waits for him in bed.

Aaron gets into bed.

Time for sex.

It’s a routine. It’s comfortable. It sets Aaron at ease.

Except Spencer has this glitter in his eyes that Aaron’s not quite sure he’s seen before.

Then…Spencer tackles him.

It’s playful yet more aggressive than Aaron’s used to. He allows it out of curiosity because in the times they’ve been together like this, Spencer cedes control over to him almost automatically.

When Spencer pinches his left nipple, Aaron squirms a bit. When Spencer asks if he likes it, Aaron almost lies. Almost says, ‘It’s fine’ or ‘yes, it’s good’, but he remembers Spencer’s words when their relationship took a turn to the physical. ‘Be honest with me about what works, and I’ll be honest with you.’ So Aaron lets out a little sigh and says, “Not particularly.”

Because he really doesn’t care for it. It makes him uncomfortable. Maybe his mind is locked in gender roles (he knows better than to do that) and he thinks that if he enjoys it, it will emasculate him. Again, he knows better because nerve endings are nerve endings, as Spencer so patiently reminded him that second night, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying what one’s body says “feels good.”

Spencer doesn’t miss a beat, concentrating on nibbling Aaron’s jaw (which Aaron likes) and avoiding his ears (which Aaron hates being messed with). After a few moments, Spencer kisses him briefly (which Aaron definitely likes) and then says something against his lips.

The only words Aaron hears are ‘suck your cock’.

“Yes,” he says immediately because Spencer is good. Not that Aaron really has anything to compare it to. Haley was never particularly fond of oral sex of any kind. The few other women Aaron dated weren’t keen on the whole blowjob thing either. With Spencer, there’s a thoroughness and a dedication to it that sends a frisson of passion through him.

He feels the smile against his lips and then Spencer begins working his way down. Anticipation makes Aaron’s toes curl and he spreads his legs apart so Spencer can get settled. His lover—Aaron shivers as the word because it feels right to address Spencer that way—tongues his way down Aaron’s chest, to the crease of his thigh and groin.

Aaron inhales sharply because the feel of Spencer’s mouth there makes his dick throb. He can’t recall being touched there specifically. Before Spencer, the last time he had sex with another person was...Aaron decides that it’s better not to think about it if he wants any hope of feeling good tonight. So he concentrates on the present.

Because what Spencer can do with his tongue is downright amazing.

Spencer’s asking him a question, but Aaron can’t concentrate because his cock is aching for attention and his balls are being caressed. Finally, he’s able to get out, “W-what?”

He hears an amused chuckled and then feels Spencer’s warm breath across the wetness on his hip. “Do you like this?”

“Yeah,” he breathes and Spencer resumes licking and nibbling.

“Do you want me to suck your dick?”

He’s still not using to hearing Spencer talk like that, but it doesn’t stop him from saying, “Yes, please.”

There’s another light laugh, “Are you always this polite?”

Aaron doesn’t answer because Spencer wraps his lips around the head of Aaron’s cock and Aaron moans. He fists the sheets. Spencer doesn’t take the entire length in his mouth. He concentrates on tonguing and sucking the glans while his fingers continue to fondle Aaron’s balls. It’s new. It’s a change. Aaron doesn’t mind because it feels really, really good and he wonders if this is Spencer’s way of suggesting what he’d like done in return.

Then, Aaron feels fingertips brush against his asshole and he gasps. He tenses up.

Spencer stops. “Relax,” he soothes, thumbs stroking Aaron’s inner thighs. “There are a lot of nerve endings that I want to take advantage of.” There’s another lengthy pause. Spencer’s fingertip traces the pucker and then draws a line up and down between his hole and the base of his balls. Aaron’s cock throbs. Spencer inquires softly, “Do you want me to stop?”

Aaron frowns. “I’m not sure,” he says because intellectually, he knows what Spencer is doing is part of the whole sex thing. He wants to try it. He really does. Because whatever he does with Spencer is better than what he remembers doing with the four other people he’s had sex with. It’s certainly better than his own hand and the feeble attempts to finger fuck himself. “I…don’t know.”

“I’ll take it slow,” Spencer tells him, waits a few moments and then resumes sucking just the tip of Aaron’s cock. He stops stroking, just concentrating on Aaron’s dick.

It allows Aaron to relax, to focus on the sensations that Spencer is coaxing out of him. It continues for a bit, but Aaron quickly wants more. He wants to feel Spencer’s entire mouth on him. He feels his cheeks flush as he makes the request, “More, please.”

“More what?” Spencer prompts as his fingers settle on Aaron’s perineum and begin a light massage.

“Please…more what of what you’re doing.”

“Just this?” his lover asks as mouths the crown.

“Um…” he knows he’s turning scarlet because, really, he’s not used to saying what he wants during sex, and saying the words is embarrassing. He can throw those terms around all day while at work, even watch a porn film as part of a case and describe the various acts without a hint of color to his cheeks. Naked and in bed? He’s at a loss. “More.”

“Give me a specific order on what you want me to do.”

It takes a few seconds for him to say, “Take it all, please”, knowing the flush is even darker than before. He knows it’s not an order either because he tacked on the ‘please’ at the end. He hopes that Spencer won’t make him say it again.

“Do you want a hard, fast orgasm or do you want me to draw it out a bit?”

Aaron squirms and his balls begin to ache, which makes the decision easy. “Fast, please.”

“So, so polite,” Spencer murmurs. Yet before the embarrassment has a chance to settle in, Spencer has one hand at the base of his cock and begins to stroke him firmly. He takes more of Aaron into his mouth, sucking and swirling. He rubs Aaron’s perineum harder and a jolt of pleasure burns through Aaron’s body.

He arches, clutches the sheets, and lets out a moan. The pace increases and, _Good Lord_ , it’s incredible.

Aaron wants to say something, encouragement or praise or _something_ , but the most he can get out is, “Yes.”

His climax builds rapidly, different than before and _Oh God_ it’s going to be a good one. He can’t keep still and his hips move but he doesn’t care.

He’s just _thatclose_ when Spencer pulls off.

Yet Spencer doesn’t stop. He uses his hand to work the entire length of Aaron’s cock.

The orgasm hits.

Aaron’s pretty sure he yells as he feels his cock jerk with each spurt.

He feels his cum hit his belly and chest.

He takes gulping breaths, because his heart is racing and his body is shaking. Aaron blinks rapidly, trying to focus.

Wondering how in the hell he’s going to be coordinated enough to get Spencer off.

After a few moments, he’s able to get his brain working again. He finds Spencer leaning over him, one hand planted on the pillow by Aaron’s head.

Spencer jerks off with quick, precise motions. His eyes are dark. His gazed heated and possessive. His voice, low and hungry. “I’ve fantasized about doing that to you for _years_.”

The words stun Aaron. He knows Spencer felt that way about him. He remembers his own admission that he thought about him and Spencer together frequently.

But there’s never been this outright confession on just what or how Spencer imagined him.

Spencer bites his lip briefly and his hand never slows. “The way you…” He groans. “The way you arched. The way you moaned. The way you fought so hard for control.” His thrusts into his hand, rocking the entire bed. “The way…the way you finally gave in…The way…the way you just flew apart…”

Aaron realizes that he’s never really seen this pure, passionate side of Spencer. It makes him shiver.

Spencer suddenly crashes his lips against Aaron’s, his hand pulling hard on Aaron’s short hair.

He hears Spencer shout into his mouth.

He feels Spencer cum on his belly.

Spencer breaks away and hisses, “So fucking incredible.” Spencer collapses on top of him, showering his face with more kisses. “All for me.” He lifts his head just far enough to meet Aaron’s gaze. He repeats, “All for me.”

Aaron feels his mind shift. Something changes. It scares the hell out of him and his instinct is to run. But Spencer just stares at him, his gaze dark and sultry yet but there’s tenderness and protectiveness there as well. Aaron knows he’s safe. He knows that this change is okay. He knows that Spencer will guard him ferociously.

So he says, “All for you.”

And he means it.

///***///


	3. Beyond the Taint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron just has to ‘get over it.’ He knows that their relationship isn’t based on sex, but thanks to years of doing what he does for a living, he knows that it plays a pretty damn big part. Sex is about trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, so FRAO/NC-17, includes the use of sex toys. Mild d/s. (graphic sexual situations, profanity, adult content)

///***///

The doors are locked. The windows are secure. The security alarm is set. Aaron’s computers are off as is the television. Jack went to bed at eight but woke up at ten-fifteen, as usual; it was mostly because Jack had to go to the bathroom, but Aaron knew it was to also make sure “Daddy is still home.” He feels guilty about it no matter how many times the family counselor says it’s normal.

No matter how many times Spencer says it’s normal.

No matter if he _knows from experience_ that it’s normal.

Aaron stops himself. He lets out a breath. He goes through his mental checklist again because it helps him to relax.

It’s now half-past eleven and Aaron knows Jack is soundly asleep.

So Aaron goes to his own bedroom, closes the door, and sits on his bed, contemplating his own evening activities. He’s horny, Spencer isn’t there, so he has some decisions to make. He runs through his options, and the perfunctory jerk off is at the top of the list because he’s tired, it’s simple, and it’s easy.

But … Spencer’s been pushing him lately. Not much, if Aaron really thinks about it. Just little nudges (literally) here and there. Spencer’s remarkably patient. Remarkably adaptive. When Aaron freaks out over something—usually whenever Spencer goes “beyond the taint”—his lover goes on to something else.

No snide comments and no exasperation for him to ‘just get over it.’

It gives Aaron courage and it motivates him to try a bit harder to ‘just get over it,’ to push past all those mental blocks he’s built. There are a lot of them and there are days he just wants a huge wrecking ball to smash through his mind and destroy them all. Instead, he finds himself dismantling the wall, brick by brick, with Spencer’s help.

What he’s focused on tonight is “beyond the taint,” which is how Aaron’s prudish mind has decided to label anal play. What was the saying? Aaron doesn’t have issues, he has subscriptions and he has more subscriptions than a library.

If it’s him pleasuring Spencer, he likes to think he does just fine. He doesn’t have much experience but he’s confident that he can read his partner. Analingus is essentially the same as cunnilingus but a different location, and even though Aaron really doesn’t have much experience with either of those, he listens and he adapts and Spencer tells him when it’s good. They practice safe sex— _yes,_ he’s a bit more fanatical about it than Spencer—so all it really took was Aaron getting over the ‘my tongue is _there_ ’ and he was good to go. Ultimately, the goal is to make Spencer feel good and that fuels Aaron’s confidence. Plus, the way Spencer responds tends to override Aaron’s own hesitation performing those types of things.

Things.

He shakes his head.

He can’t even _think_ about sex without scuttling behind abstracts and vague terms.

Aaron sighs.

He’s being stupid.

He _knows_ he’s being stupid.

It’s aggravating and frustrating. Times like this, doubt rears its ugly head and reminds him that it’s only a matter of time for Spencer to grow frustrated with him and leave.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone did that. Haley wasn’t the first to walk out on Aaron.

He doesn’t want to lose Spencer.

He knows that their relationship isn’t based on sex, but thanks to years of doing what he does for a living, he knows that it plays a pretty damn big part. Sex is about trust.

Trust.

He remembers the night he told Spencer, “All for you” and how heartfelt and sincere it was.

It motivates him to get off the bed, go to his closet, and retrieve the large cardboard box marked “Misc. House, Old.” At the bottom is a smaller plain brown box that he pulls out. He puts it on the bed and replaces the larger one back in the closet. He returns to the bed, sits, and opens the container.

Aaron stares at the contents: a set of different sized vibrating anal plugs and a bottle of lube. It was a “gift” from Haley eight years ago, when their marriage really starting hitting the skids. It was the _coup de grâce_ of the weeklong argument. He remembers being handed the wrapped box, thinking that she was saying she was sorry and that it was in response to the flowers he’d sent.

Christ, he’d been wrong.

He remembers opening the box and just staring because he had no fucking clue what she was trying to tell him. He didn’t have to wait long. If he distances himself from the argument, he knows this was really clever on Haley’s part. The different sizes were to help him “stretch” and “accommodate” (which he had claimed he’d done in their relationship) so he could work up to being a “world class asshole” and have an even bigger stick up his butt. She handily won the disagreement because he had been caught so off-guard. All he could do was ask, “How much did these cost?” because he knew they were expensive. It was the wrong response, of course, and he spent three weeks trying to make up for it.

God only knows why he kept after all these years.

Now, he’s really glad he did.

Aaron pulls out the smallest one. The batteries will need to be replaced and he hopes they didn’t leak from sitting there for eight years. It takes a bit of force but he’s able to open up the toy. The battery hasn’t corroded so all the thing needs is a thorough washing with hot water and antibacterial soap—it isn’t dishwasher safe and there’s no way in hell he would risk it anyway with Jack in the house—and he’s good to go.

He takes a deep breath.

He _wants_ this.

He can _do_ this.

He knows it feels good.

He just has to ‘get over it.’

///***///

The way it works is that Jack stays with Jessica when Aaron is out of town. If Aaron gets back in the city and can get to Jessica’s place by eight, Jack will come home with him. Otherwise, Jack stays with Jess and Aaron doesn’t see them until breakfast the next morning. If it’s a Friday, Jessica will bring Jack over at precisely nine-fifteen Saturday morning on her way to her yoga class.

It’s not ideal but it works.

Tonight? It’s to Aaron’s advantage. It’s Friday and it’s ten in the evening and he barely shuts off the alarm to his apartment before Spencer has him pressed against the wall.

“I want you,” Spencer growls and nips as his jaw. Then, he thoroughly kisses Aaron as he grinds their crotches together.

Aaron has been hard since he got into the car at Quantico. Sitting through the quick dinner they had at the Thai restaurant only added to his edginess. He knows that the delays are Spencer’s ways of getting him worked up, to get him past some of the hurdles that hit when they finally get alone together.

Strategic. Flattering. Aaron wonders if he’ll ever be able to tell Spencer how much he appreciates the effort.

The kiss ends and Spencer tugs on his tie, the unspoken request to go to the bedroom and strip. Aaron steadies his breathing. He’s been working up to this for weeks. He feels he has enough confidence to go through with his plan, enough confidence to do what he knows Spencer will ask of him. It doesn’t mean he can meet the man’s eyes, though. He stares at Spencer’s lips. He says, “I’d like to shower first.”

“We can clean up,” Spencer concedes, but it’s not the same thing.

“I’d like to, ah, _shower_ shower.” He feels stupid for the clarification, but he has a plan. “Please.” Because while Spencer teases him about his politeness, it is a way to get what he wants.

There’s a pause before Spencer nods and gives him a slow kiss. Then, Spencer retrieves his go bag and heads for the half-bath so that Aaron can have the full one to himself.

The moment Spencer closes the door Aaron’s hands begin to shake.

 _Stop freaking out,_ he orders himself, so he goes through his routine of securing his apartment for the evening before he heads for the main bath. That helps calm him a little, but not much.

///***///

Spencer takes a few minutes to wash up in the half-bath, listening as Aaron shuffles around the apartment and eventually turns on the shower. Aaron’s request isn’t unusual; however, something is different tonight. Aaron’s nervous, and whenever the man can’t make eye contact like that, Spencer knows it has something to do with sex.

They’ve made progress from bad to decent sex. Aaron still gets spooked when touched in certain places, but not as bad as before. It’s going to take time, of course, but with this new approach they have—Spencer running the show—it’s much easier.

He packs his things up quickly and takes his go bag, a damp washcloth and a fresh towel to the bedroom. He knows Aaron has already made sure everything is locked up, so he gets the bed ready, arranges the washcloth and towel on the floor within easy reach, and then opens the nightstand drawer to retrieve the lube.

It’s a different brand than before and some of it has been used. It’s higher quality and it’s unflavored and unscented. Spencer can’t help but grin. He wonders what Aaron has been up to because this type of lube requires a trip to a specialty store. There’s no way in hell Aaron would mail order something. None of them do. They know better.

The thought of Aaron in a sex shop sends a shiver down his spine. He adjusts himself and then sits on the bed. Spencer debates if he should put the bottle on the nightstand, which is what they usually do. Fumbling around for it in the drawer is a royal pain. He glances at the clock and realizes fifteen minutes have gone by and the water is no longer running. Aaron’s pre-sex showers usually aren’t that long.

When Aaron finally emerges, he clutches his towel in his left hand and covers his groin. Spencer initially thought that his lover would be more self-conscious of the scars on his chest, but soon realized Aaron simply isn’t used to being naked around someone else. Spencer doesn’t consider himself an exhibitionist and he’s not the type to walk around without clothing, but once in the bedroom, he’s not ashamed.

Aaron glances briefly at Spencer before returning his gaze to the floor and shuffles a few steps forward. The towel is still gripped tightly in his left hand, but his right reaches up to scratch behind his ear. Aaron is _beyond_ nervous.

It’s a thrill and it’s a terror to see the behavior. Spencer’s breath catches and he wants to make acknowledgment somehow, but the words are stuck and all he can do is stare. It’s not helping the situation and he knows it, but it’s this display of uncertainty by Aaron makes him momentarily unable to breathe.

Because it’s Aaron Hotchner.

And the public Aaron Hotchner would never display such … hesitations.

“I’ve … um … yeah …” Aaron takes another step forward. His gaze is focused on the floor. “I … yeah …” His head jerks to the side, he spits out a few profanities, and then he steadies himself again.

Spencer chants to himself that he can’t be impatient. He digs his nails into his thighs, because the profiler in him identifies every bit of Aaron’s behavior.

Aaron’s _submissive_ behavior.

It’s a heady thing.

Spencer is momentarily clueless as what to do next. Command. Sit in silence. What?

Aaron makes the decision for them. His movements are fast; he puts the towel down on the edge of the bed, flips back the corner of the towel and steps back.

There, against the blazing white of the damp cotton, is a black anal plug. It’s not a dainty one either, but moderately sized.

Spencer’s mouth goes dry. It’s one of the rare times that his mind goes blank, especially when he sees that it’s not some run-of-the-mill plug. Oh no. This one vibrates. He breathes out, “Aaron …”

“I’ve been …” His lover pauses. He gestures towards the towel. He scratches behind his ear again. He shrugs. “Practicing.”

The word makes Spencer groan and he squeezes the base of his cock hard because if Aaron keeps talking like that, he’ll come. It’s not sexy talk or a seduction, but it’s what the man doesn’t say that makes it so erotic. Spencer gets out of bed and approaches his lover. He slides his hands around Aaron’s waist and presses their cocks together. Aaron’s half-hard, his nervousness is obviously a factor.

Spencer kisses him first, because reassurances and unconditional acceptance are important, after all. It’s slow. It’s exploratory. Their tongues duel briefly before Spencer slides his mouth to the side, breaking the kiss. He’s careful not to blow on Aaron’s ear but he can barely control his own breathing.

Because what he’s about to request is one of those ‘it will never happen’ fantasies that he entertains himself with on the nights he is alone. He pauses. There’s the dilemma: should he ask or should he order? Equal or dominant? Spencer knows the answer and it takes him a second to adjust to the shift in power.

Spencer’s voice is low. Soft yet infused with command. “Show me.”

Aaron shudders and his dick hardens rapidly. His “Yes” is barely a whisper, but the unspoken _sir_ is clearly there. Spencer wants to reach down and jerk them off together, but he can’t. No. He can’t.

Discipline, he knows, is hell.

Spencer releases him and steps to the side. It takes a few seconds for Aaron to move, but when he does, he picks up the towel and the toy and approaches the bed. There’s a pause. His fingers hover over the dimmer dial on the nightstand table.

Spencer’s brain catches up with his libido. _He’s used to doing this alone, with the door locked, without light and under the sheets, because God forbid Jack walking in on his father fucking himself with a sex toy._ Aloud, he orders, “Continue.”

Aaron nods once and dims the light by half so there’s still plenty to see. He pulls back the sheets and moves the pillows around before spreading the towel out. There’s a precision in his movements and Spencer bites his lips as he takes a few steps back so he can lean against the dresser. There’s part of him that cannot believe Aaron is about to put on a show for him, but there’s another part that realizes that Aaron anticipated his request.

Spencer tugs his balls hard to bring himself back from the edge.

Aaron’s movements are methodical. Practiced. He kneels. He adjusts his weight. He reaches for the lube and slicks up his left forefinger. He faces Spencer which prevents Spencer from watching his finger work his hole. There’s part of Spencer that wants his lover to turn around so he can see, but he decides the expressions on Aaron’s face, the flush of the man’s chest, and precum dripping from his arousal are what he wants to witness.

This time.

Because the next time—oh hell yes there will be next times—Aaron will be on all fours, his ass in the air and …

 _Getting ahead of yourself,_ Spencer mentally chastises and refocuses his attention on his lover.

Aaron’s eyes are closed. His right hand is flat against his thigh. His left is behind him. Spencer recognizes when Aaron slips a finger inside himself by the way Aaron bites his lower lip and his hips shift forward. Aaron works himself for a few moments before pulling his hand back, coating two fingers with lube, and goes back to stretching himself.

Another minute or so passes by. The only sounds are Aaron’s swallowed gasps here and there. And when he reaches for the anal plug—chest glistening with a light sheen of sweat—Aaron keeps his eyes closed and continues to chew on his lower lip. His hands tremble a little, the only real thing betraying his nerves, and it takes two tries for Aaron to open the lube and slick the toy.

Spencer strokes himself. He can’t help it. Because by far, this little show is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. When Aaron takes the toy and moves it behind him, Spencer takes a few steps forward. He knows when Aaron begins to push the plug in by the way Aaron arches and lets out a quiet moan. Aaron’s breathing turns a little labored and his brow creases. He rocks slightly on his knees and then … then … lets out this breathy huff before he wipes his left hand on the towel and places it on his thigh.

It takes a few moments for Spencer’s mind to catch up, for him to realize that his lover is waiting for a command. He knows that Aaron’s been fantasizing about this and doesn’t want to disappoint him. He steps closer until his knees touch the end of the bed. He modulates his voice to one of soft authority. “Keep going.”

Aaron stutters out, “Yes,” as he complies. His left hand remains against his thigh as he begins to work his cock with his right. Spencer observes him for a few more moments, taking in the set of Aaron's shoulders, the way he gnaws occasionally on his lower lip, and the patterns of his breathing. What is most telling is the way Aaron grips himself: it's the way Spencer does when they're facing each other and getting each other off. The movements are a little slow, a little hesitant. Clearly, Aaron’s still a bit nervous.

Spencer wonders just what fantasy Aaron conjures up when he practices. He wonders when Aaron turns on the vibrator. It’s that thought that inspires him to give the order, “Stop.”

Aaron’s immediate compliance, complete with the verbal acknowledgement and his hand back on his thigh, makes Spencer bite back a moan. Spencer gets into the bed, careful not to touch his lover as he kneels to face him.

“So sexy,” Spencer murmurs. “So, so sexy.” He watches the way Aaron reacts to the praise, the slight sway of his upper body as if in relief. Spencer scoots a little closer and then places his left hand on Aaron’s right shoulder. He keeps his voice quiet, soft not harsh. “Do not move your hands from your thighs. Do not open your eyes.”

Aaron shivers as he breathes, “Yes.”

Spencer then takes his other hand and places it at the nape of Aaron’s neck. He has to shift in the bed again, but once he gets into position, he trails his hand down Aaron’s spine and stops in the middle of his lower back. Aaron arches slightly and his breathing increases. Spencer continues drawing his fingers up and down his lover’s spine, keeping the touches light but not ticklish.

After a few minutes, he asks, “How long have you been practicing?”

“Four weeks, three days.”

Spencer stares at him in shock, but manages to keep his hand moving. It’s longer than he’s expecting but the thought that Aaron has been working on this for so long. Trying to get past those roadblocks. Oh, the dedication.

But what else did Spencer really expect? Of course Aaron would be determined to get past his inhibitions. Still, the whole _using a vibrating butt plug for over a month_ is just … Spencer is at a loss for words. He continues running his fingers up and down Aaron’s spine, drawing closer and closer to Aaron’s ass. When he finally strokes down Aaron’s left cheek, Aaron inhales sharply and pushes back and then up, obviously wanting more contact.

“Do not move,” Spencer orders and Aaron shivers again before murmuring his assent. He hardly thinks it punishment to concentrate his touches on Aaron’s lower back as he wordlessly reestablishes command. When he finally draws a single finger down Aaron’s butt crack, Aaron gasps and his whole body tenses. Unlike previous times, however, Spencer knows it’s because Aaron’s trying his best to stay still. Spencer rewards him with, “So good, so good.”

Positive reinforcement is always a good thing, especially when it comes to matters like this.

Spencer nudges the edge of the butt plug and Aaron bites his lips as he moans. Curious, Spencer asks, “Is this what you think about when you practice?” And it’s such an _Aaron_ word to describe using a sex toy. “Me touching you like this?”

“Yes,” Aaron tells him.

It’s then that Spencer’s finger glides across the top of the plug and the notched knob. Aaron, the overachieving and overcompensating bottom. Spencer traces the edges of the plug. “Do you stroke yourself when your turn it on? Or do you just turn it on and let yourself go?”

“Neither.”

Spencer blinks. “Explain.”

The blush highlights Aaron’s cheeks. His voice is barely a whisper. “I … haven’t.”

The kiss Spencer gives Aaron is warm, slow and passionate. It’s one of approval and it’s one that Aaron seems to bask in, draining the earlier nervousness and hesitation. Spencer presses his lips against his lover’s temple and cheek. He nuzzles that one spot and carefully nibbles Aaron’s earlobe before he murmurs his praise. Spencer runs his hands along Aaron’s back and ass, delivering light squeezes. Finally, he brings his left hand back to Aaron’s shoulder and presses down, the silent command not to move.

The anticipation has Aaron trembling and flexing his hands against his thighs.

It’s intoxicating to have so much control.

“It’s just you and me here,” Spencer tells him, because he remembers the first time that he had a vibrator rumble against his own prostate. “You can be noisy.”

“Would you like me to be noisy?” Aaron asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Only if it’s genuine,” Spencer replies as his fingers brush carefully against Aaron’s skin. He considers teasing him a little more, but knows that Aaron’s close enough as it is. He fingers the edges of the plug, wriggling it slightly. He adjusts his grip on Aaron’s shoulder and then, with his other hand, flicks the switch.

Instantly, Aaron shouts and his back arches, his head thrown back. His hips jerk as his grip tightens on his thighs. He then makes a low keening noise, mouth open, which is an interesting counterpoint to the buzz of the vibrator.

“So sexy. So beautiful,” Spencer praises, memorizing the look on Aaron’s face, the bow of his body, the flush of his chest, and the jut of his leaking cock. He jiggles the toy until Aaron lets out another shout and bucks beneath Spencer’s grip. He debates on tweaking Aaron’s nipples, but remembers that his lover isn’t too keen on that type of stimulation.

Next time, he promises himself. And, oh, the list of things to do next time is rapidly growing. _But there will only be a ‘next time’ if the first time is successful._

Aaron pants as his body trembles. His cock is an angry red, dripping and bobbing, as Aaron struggles to stay still.

“You want me to fuck you with it don’t you?” Spencer whispers. His lover whimpers as his hips rock forward. He can’t keep his hands off Aaron, squeezing his ass and tracing lines along his lower back and shoulders. “So good. So disciplined. So sexy. You want to cum so badly but you won’t until I tell you to.”

The “yes” sounds like a desperate whine. That’s when Spencer releases his grip on Aaron’s shoulder, trailing his fingers down Aaron’s chest as the man pleads, “Pleasepleaseplease.”

“So, so polite,” Spencer teases as his hand rests on top of Aaron’s. He changes position again so that he’s still facing Aaron, but more directly in front of him. “I’m going to wrap my hand around you cock. When I say, ‘now,’ you’re going to then fuck my hand until you come.”

That earns a litany of ‘yes, please!’ and the desperate pitch in Aaron’s voice is dangerously intoxicating. Carefully, he slides his fingers down and along Aaron’s rock hard dick. Aaron softly chants, “Please” as his body trembles. Spencer closes his hand around the tip of Aaron’s cock, tightening his fist just enough.

He breathes out, “Now,” and immediately, Aaron thrusts hard into his hand.

It only takes four strokes before Aaron lets out a wail, convulses, and ejaculates so hard that Spencer can feel his dick pulsing. Spencer is quick with the praise, cradling Aaron’s jaw and pressing kisses to his face as he does so. Aaron collapses backward, nearly slamming his skull against the headboard before Spencer catches him. It’s tricky, but Spencer’s able to reach down and turn off the vibrator. He knows that Aaron can’t take much more.

Aaron sprawls out on the pillows, chest flushed and heaving. It’s the most erotic thing Spencer has ever seen and he tells Aaron as much as he continues his praise and kisses. He shifts so that he’s between Aaron’s legs and with a few quick tugs of his own cock, his cum streaks across Aaron’s sweaty belly.

Spencer wipes his hand on the towel and moves so that he’s lying next to his lover. He keeps his phrases simple, figuring that Aaron isn’t up to comprehending much more than, “So good, so sexy, so incredible.” He continues the gentle affections, settling his hand on Aaron’s chest as he says, “Thank you for this gift,” because truly, Aaron did give himself over completely to Spencer. It’s heady. It’s kind of terrifying. It’s … it’s something that Spencer can’t put words to.

Then, he hears the mumbled, “All for you.”

It’s sincere and heartfelt and all those silly words used to describe love.

Spencer curls around Aaron. “All for us,” he whispers back. “All for us.”

****** Finis ******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS: Special thanks to Kitty for the encouragement and the suggestions on where to go with this story and to CMAli the encouragement as well.
> 
> You don’t have to necessarily read The Tenth Time or it’s sequel No Longer Routine to enjoy, but they provided a bit of background. Originally supposed to be “D is for Doubt” but this got caught in developmental hell (as in, “Kuria over-thinks”) so I went with another concept.
> 
> Thanks to my LJ readers who reminded me that “taint” doesn’t always refer to perineum …


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